Mary Louw T.OHP
Mary Louw T. OHP
My name is Mary Florence Rose Louw T. OHP. I am an Anglican Tertiary of The Order of The Holy Paraclete. I am based in Johannesburg, South Africa. I am a parishioner of The Cathedral Chapel of St Mary on The Limpopo, Parktown, Diocese of Johannesburg Republic of South Africa and a parish lay minister. I am a former school teacher, but currently unemployed. I am equally a former Cathedral junior and senior chorister, as well as a former Sunday school teacher. I am also a theology graduate.
Who are the Order of the Holy Paraclete?
The Order of The Holy Paraclete is an Anglican Religious Community for Women. The community’s Mother House is in Whitby, UK. There are many branch houses across the North of England, Ghana and South Africa.
My Early Childhood, Upbringing and Development
I believe God planted the seed of vocation to the consecrated life in me, as I had clear reminiscences from childhood upbringing memories.
I am the baptismal God-child of Sr. Mary Richardson SSM, who is an Anglican nun, from The Society of St Margaret. Back in the 1960s and 1970s, she and a few Sisters from The Society of St Margaret (SSM), used to be based at St Joseph’s home, Sophiatown, Diocese of Johannesburg, South Africa, which is currently the Diocese of Johannesburg’s Bishops office and the Diocesan centre. These group of nuns of SSM, was responsible for taking care of abandoned and orphan girls, including young kids at St Joseph’s home for girls.
There was a time in my early childhood development stages, where my biological mother, felt ill and had multiple strokes. This obviously hampered her physical condition and mobility in order to raise me up and provide for my daily basis childhood needs. She therefore as a result of her decline in health, took early retirement from been a professional nursing sister at a public hospital in Johannesburg.
My move to stay alongside the SSM Anglican Nuns
Therefore my godmother Sr.Mary Richardson SSM, who was very much dear to me, decided that I should move into St Joseph’s home, where she could take care of me, for the duration of my mother’s temporarily illness up until she recovers to full health improvement.
During this time in the very early tender stages of my childhood, which was between the tender age of 10 years, I began to adore the Sisters of The Society of St Margaret. Little did I know that in my teenager years, I will feel a strong attraction to the religious life.
My call into the Religious Life
At the age of 15 years, I started having frequent dreams of nuns in habits. I had limited insight into why I was having these dreams so often, but deep down I felt a strong attraction to the religious life. Since I was a teenager, I would often persuade my mother to allow me to go over and visit my godmother at the convent.
Mum was reluctant to send me over, as per my request to visit my godmother and I respected her no. But during the absence of not visiting my godmother at the convent, I then sent a written note to my godmother, with the bus driver of St Joseph home, notifying her that although I am a teenager in my earliest teen hood, I can’t stop dreaming about the Religious Life and often see myself in the company of a group of nuns in my dream.
My dreams of Religious Life and visits to the convents
When I did my grade 11 in my secondary school years, I no longer had dreams of myself been in the company of nuns, but I now had dreams of myself wearing a habit. These dreams led to a lot of confusion and I felt something was definitely missing or incomplete in my life. Unlike other teenagers who want to do teenager social life activities of going to the cinema or shopping spree, I found myself on weekends having the urge to visit the Order of The Holy Paraclete Sisters who was based at St Benedict’s house, Rosettenville, Diocese of Johannesburg, South Africa.
The late Sr.Stella Mary OHP, was back then the sister in charge of St Benedict’s house. I asked her for permission to spend some days visiting the retreat house at St Benedict’s house, garden. I felt an immense feeling of solitude, peace and happiness within the walls of St Benedict’s house.
At the age of 19 years old, every time I had to part ways with Sr. Stella Mary OHP, Sr. Truda OHP, Sr. Jane OHP & Sr. Gillian OHP, after a brief visit to them, I felt sad & leaving their convent walls left an inner longing to remain with them and a deep sense of void and emptiness.
I then spoke to Sr. Gillian OHP about this feeling and she firmly believed that I have a sense of calling to the religious life. I knew deep down inside of me, that indeed she was correct in her assumption, but fearful though to open up to my mother Isabel Sarah Louw, regarding these constant emotions playing out, with each visitation to St Benedict’s house.
I then kept the strong sense of attraction to the religious life locked up and presumed that as times goes by, those feelings will eventually fade away and assumed it was just a teenager phase of attraction.
At the age of 18 years old, I felt the call deepening in a manner which was very intense and un describing in a sense. At this moment I knew God is definitely calling me to the Religious Life and the dreams became more obvious than before and much clearer. I knew that I couldn’t hold it back any longer and had to in obedience surrender myself to be of service to Christ Jesus as his future bride to be. At this stage, after every dream of seeing myself in a habit, I woke out of my dreams weeping and yearning for the religious life. I knew that it was not teardrops of sadness, but God Almighty at work in my dreams as the calling drew more deeper than before.
Sr.Gillian OHP then gave me a flyer regarding the different Religious Life Communities within the Anglican Church of Southern Africa. I made a brief visit to meet their superiors and the sisters of those communities, in order to explore and test my sense of vocation to the religious life.
Exploring the Religious Life
I paid a visit to The Community of The Holy Name, Zululand and The Community of St Mary the Virgin, Irene, Pretoria, both in South Africa. I met with their Mother Superior, both Mother Bonakele CHN & Mother Muriel Grace CSMV. They both introduced me to a typical daily basis trip into the life of a nun, in their respective orders.
I found myself often visiting The Community of St Mary the Virgin, because they including the Order of The Holy Paraclete Sisters, were much closer to Johannesburg, then CHN, CR, CSJB, CSMA, including SPB.
After several visits to both CSMV & OHP, I felt God is definitely calling me to none other than The Order of The Holy Paraclete. I then spoke to Sr. Stella Mary as the Sister in charge of OHP Sisters at St Benedict’s house. I had the then Prioress of OHP Mother Janet, coming over to Johannesburg, South Africa to meet me in person. I briefed her regarding how the calling started and what was my position regarding it, at that particular point of time. She then told me that the criteria for entry into OHP is at a much matured enough level and therefore I had to wait until I turn 25 years of age and then re-apply.
This obviously was a disappointing turning point in my life and I couldn’t be patient until I reached the age of 25 years old, because I felt ready but had to respect the intake criteria of OHP. I was then introduced temporarily by the late Sr. Gillian OHP and the late Sr. Jane OHP, into The Tertiary Order of The Holy Paraclete. I didn’t immediately surrender myself to explore the tertiary order. Two years later I then decided to explore it, as a possible means of still drawn to OHP, until I reach the age of 25 years. Then in 2002, I did my novitiate as a Aspirant, then a Postulant of T.OHP. There after I became a Novice and made my full commitment vows as A Tertiary Sister of The Order of The Holy Paraclete.
I one day in passing spoke to Sr. Jane OHP & told her that I continue to feel drawn to the first order of OHP & feel a deep sense of void as a tertiary. Besides all the OHP tertiaries in South Africa, we’re married and I was the only individual living a celibate life and probably way younger than all of them.
My mother then didn’t give me her full blessings to the first order, and said because I am the last-born child of her and the only unmarried amongst my siblings, she is very much dependent on me to take care of her. Because blood is thicker than water, I felt family commitment first and the vocation calling to the religious life last.
The turning point of my life
During 2023, I felt like I was somehow disobedient to God and putting His calling on hold for way too long and that I needed to trust Him in every situation of doubt, fear and uncertainty. I was therefore reminded of the following biblical scripture Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I dedicated you.” These words from Scripture were the very words that inspired me to search for meaning in my life and I began to seek the answer to this question, “what is the plan of God for me?”
The persistent deepening of my calling
I knew for a fact that the calling never faded away, and it was not a coincidence but God Almighty who continues to be at work behind the scenes and patiently waiting for me, to surrender myself wholeheartedly to Him. During the feeling of emptiness, I was equally reminded of the following verse from John 15: “That my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.” I knew that my joy will come in the morning, not according to my terms or conditions, but in the Lord’s perfect timing for me.
As a qualified former primary school teacher, I knew my calling to the religious life, was a longing for something deeper and more meaningful, more than practicing my profession as a school teacher.
The joyous journey of the Religious Life
It has always been a delightful experience for me to listen to how God has worked in the lives of men and women in calling them to the priesthood and religious life. In my individual opinion, every vocation story is unique and full of wisdom. I am therefore equally reminded of Ephesians 4:1-3:
Commitment to the Divine Office
What is the next chapter of my life?
All I can say in conclusion is that Jesus stole my heart and that I found a spouse in Him, throughout my journey into the religious life. I felt, in love with the rhythm of religious life. Even with everyday life, ups and downs, I have been very happy and would not change an item of what God has always planned for me as He continues to be in charge in my journey into the religious life. Praise the Lord for the beauty of the Religious Life within The Anglican Communion, with all its richest varieties.
